50 Questions to Ask Before Marriage | A Cenote Wedding in Mexico

Most couples spend months planning their wedding. Tammie and Ben spent months planning their marriage.

It is my intention now, after getting to know Tammie and Ben and sharing this experience with them, to tell a really cool story about their ceremony, their relationship, and what falling in love means to them – along with some snaps of their experience. – Matt

I believe their story can inspire other couples who are planning their cenote ceremony to incorporate some personal touches leading up to the wedding day. Details that feel so intentional and energetically perfect for them.

Before Tammie and Ben came to Mexico, they took their pre-wedding personal development further than I’d ever seen a couple take it. Their story is a self-help book on steroids for couples. During the initial planning process, Tammie mentioned a few of the steps they had taken so far...They created 50 questions about themselves, their relationship, and the life they wanted to build together…And then they did the hard work of answering them.

Not questions about flowers.

Not what song they would play.

Not what everyone would wear. Their questions hit hard…deep and raw…

Questions about trust. Family. Health. Money. Conflict. Intimacy. Habits. Their strengths and weaknesses. Who they wanted to become. What they needed from one another. And where they wanted their life together to go.

What If We Planned Our Marriage as Carefully as We Plan Our Wedding?

Why do we get married in the first place?

Normally, two people are stopping their regular lives for a moment to say: this matters. You matter. Us matters. And this is the life we want to build together.

That’s what I love about an intentional ceremony. It gives us permission to slow down and think about what we’re actually promising. Where are we going together? What do we want our life to feel like? What are we ready to let go of? What do we want to protect, grow, and carry forward? And then apply an intention to those thoughts. Do a physical thing associated w/ those thoughts and manifestations.

That is where travel for love, adventure, and getting married at the same time comes into play…Finding a ceremony that can embody that work. A cenote ceremony.

In the Mexican jungle, walking barefoot into a cenote that has existed for millions of years. Water, earth, fire, smoke, seeds, light. Suddenly you’re not standing in another room going through the motions. You’ve created a place and a moment specifically to acknowledge the two of you and the future you’re choosing. – Tammie

50 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

So why not be intentional about your marriage before you marry? Just like any long-term investment, hard work and dedication to learn and grow and to be the right life partner. Tammie and Ben went much further than most couples need to go. BTW, you don’t have to answer 50 questions.

Start with five questions to ask before marriage.

Ask each other:

* Who am I becoming?
* What version of myself do I need to outgrow?
* What makes me feel emotionally safe?
* What damages trust for me?
* What does being a true team look like?
* How should we handle conflict?
* What makes me feel deeply connected to you?
* Where do I need reassurance?
* What habits do I need to change?
* What does financial stability mean to us?
* What knocks me off track when I’m stressed?
* How can you support me without enabling me?
* How do we protect our relationship when life becomes difficult?
* What do we want our ordinary life to feel like three years from now?
* Who do we want to become together?

BTW, if you were wondering. Those questions genuinely come from the material they worked through. Their document moves systematically through identity, relationship foundations, daily life, connection, family, finances, health and stress…

50 Questions Became 50 Seeds

When Tammie told me about the 50 questions, I couldn’t stop thinking about them.

I didn’t want all of that work to remain something they had done before the wedding.

I wanted it inside the ceremony. -Matt

Del Sol spiritual seed ceremony – turning an idea into a blessing of manifestation 🌱

In my garden, I found a plant producing these incredibly bright red seed pods. Each little pod carries two seeds inside.

And suddenly the metaphor was obvious to me!

They had spent months planting ideas about their future.

So I brought 50 seeds to their wedding. one for every question. * Actually 25 for each of them because there are 2 small seeds inside each pod.

Before the ceremony, I showed Tammie and Ben the original stem I’d cut from my garden and explained what I wanted them to do.

One question.

One intention.

One seed.

During their ceremony, they took the seeds, walked around, and returned them to the Earth around the cenote. The plants are endemic and happy to grow anywhere, even epiphytically up in the trees.

Some landed beside the water. Some disappeared between rocks and roots. Some were put inside holes, each intentionally placed. Some were thrown with uncertainty in the air, as is life… sometimes an idea sticks… These seeds will grow. They will grow strong roots and very, very large leaves.

Love Can Grow in the Hard Places

“As I placed the seeds around the cenote, I found myself wanting to put them in different kinds of places. Hot places. Dark places. Forgotten spaces. Cracks. Places where you wouldn’t necessarily expect something beautiful to grow.

Because love doesn’t only grow in the beautiful, easy places.

When you tend to it and you’re intentional with it, love can grow in the hard places too. It can find its way into the cracks.” – Tammie

“We weren’t hosting a wedding. We weren’t performing a wedding. We were getting married.”

“Choosing to marry privately gave us the freedom to create a ceremony based entirely on what mattered to us.

We got to ask ourselves: What matters to us? What do we want this to feel like? What do we want to experience and remember?

And then we built it around those answers.” – Tammie

Morning sunlight and copal smoke surrounding an intimate cenote wedding ceremony in Mexico

Gratitude - Spiritual wedding altar after an intimate cenote ceremony with flowers, seeds that represent 50 questions to ask before marriage

Unique spiritual wedding altar designed for an intimate cenote ceremony with flowers, seeds and ceremonial offerings

Private cenote wedding ceremony in the jungle with light beams

Couple standing beneath enormous beams of sunlight inside a Mexican cenote

Couple exchanging handwritten vows during an intimate cenote wedding in Mexico

Couple exchanging handwritten promises during an intimate cenote wedding in Mexico

Couple wrapped together in a ceremonial shawl beside the water during their cenote wedding

Sunbeams breaking through the jungle during a private cenote wedding in the Riviera Maya

Red seeds held during a symbolic 50-seed wedding ritual in a Mexican cenote

Couple planting symbolic seeds during their wedding ceremony after answering 50 questions before marriage

Red seeds used to represent 50 questions to ask before marriage

First kiss Cenote wedding photography beneath natural light beams in a Riviera Maya cave

Intimate newlywed portrait inside a natural cathedral cenote in Mexico

Newlyweds standing inside one of Mexico’s natural cathedral cenotes

Intimate wedding ceremony surrounded by jungle, smoke and morning sunlight in a Riviera Maya cenote

Candlelit cenote wedding portrait surrounded by limestone, crystal clear blue water and natural light

Dramatic cenote wedding portrait with reflected light, water and limestone cave walls

Couple standing together inside a candlelit cenote after their spiritual wedding ceremony

Sunlight streaming through the jungle canopy at a private Riviera Maya cenote wedding

Don’t Just Plan Your Wedding. Design the Life That Comes After It

After all these amazing years photographing and planning cenote weddings, Tammie and Ben reminded me of something I don’t think we talk about enough.

Falling in love is incredible.

Finding your person is incredible.

But then comes the work of actually designing a life together.

Who are we becoming?

Where are we going?

How will we behave when life gets difficult?

What do you need from me?

What do I need from you?

What are we building?

You don’t need a cenote.

You don’t need a spiritual ceremony.

And you definitely don’t need 50 questions.

But maybe every couple could benefit from sitting underneath the stars, putting their phones away, and asking each other a few questions that are difficult to answer.

Tammie and Ben did 50.

Then they came to Mexico.

We gave those questions seeds.

Together, in one of the most beautiful natural cathedrals on Earth, Tammie and Ben planted the next chapter.

Cenote Ceremony + 50 questions to ask before marriage, designed by: Matt Adcock

Read more about Micro Ceremonies and our guide for planning a cenote wedding, including vow renewals and family blessings in cenotes.

See More Related Events

Couple stands in the water inside a private cenote wedding ceremony in the Riviera maya Mexican jungle

Bride and groom standing beside hundreds of candles inside a Cenote Wedding Ceremony in Mexico

Bride in a black wedding dress beneath jungle light.

Copal smoke drifting through the jungle during a spiritual cenote vow renewal ceremony